September 2011
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Update
Hey my lovely followers. I’m not able to write regulary on this blog; I’m sorry.
Im having a hard time with diagnosis, struggling with hymersomnia and got tested on narcolepsy. I’ll get my results soon but they made a Lumbar punction and I’m ill since that intervention.
My skinpicking got better because I’m really ill and always sleeping. But my skin doesn’t...
August 2011
22 posts
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#21
I didn’t picked at my skin alot the last days. My wounds were itching like never before so I think its a good sign; because it’s healing. But it still looks horrible and I’m getting pimples anyway. When will my skin look beautiful?
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#20
I didn’t picked today. I’m so happy about it. It was a nice day! I were really depressed this morning but my mom and her new dog visited me later. I were so suprised and we had so much fun and I didn’t even thought about picking my skin. This was really relaxing!
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I Will Stop Today.: When will I stop? →
stopthepicking:
I picked tonight. I sat and picked for about an hour and a half. Then I cried, because it had been looking so good and I had to go and mess it up again. I mostly pick at my shoulders and occasionally on my face. Tonight I actually picked quite a bit at my face. I’m so embarrassed. I’ve been picking since I was around 11, and It’s just been bad ever since. I spend hours in...
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#19
Oh no… It’s been some hours since my last post. I couldn’t sleep and felt really uncomfortable in my skin & at home. Actually I just needed to wash myself before going to bed again, because all the wounds and my neurodermatitis caused heavy itchings. But instead of grabbing my sponge I stucked at my mirror and started picking my skin. I grabbed a thumbstack and picked in all...
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#18
I picked my skin today but only a few minutes and without any ‘helping tools’. So I’m still okay and optimistic. I shouldn’t set myself under to big pressure because I know it will cause more compulsive behaviour. I’m a little bit depressed today, but it’s not so bad; I’m used to this feeling or the inability to feel anything at all. The best methode...
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#17
I’m having a nice evening on my own. Watching Lady Gaga Moster Ball Tour Live at Madison Square Garden on TV, having my dinner and a biography of Eva Braun, Hitlers wife, waiting for me. First of all, I’m really enjoyning Lady Gaga’s performance and I adore her. She isn’t the perfect beauty Hollywood is presenting everyday. I like the way how familiar she is to her fans. A...
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#16
Today I failed. Well, actually I didn’t picked my skin yesterday and started very late this evening. So I kept my fingers away for almost 2 days. I will keep on. Never give up!
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Startover
Well.
The last time were horrible so I decided to start over. And so here are some good news! I didn’t picked my skin today and I feel a little bit proud. Haha… But seriously, I’m feeling much better and it’s an awesome feeling to know I won’t give up. It’s never too late to fight against your disease. Every day is a new day. If you failed the one day, then...
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No good news
Still picking. Cannot stop it. I look so ugly, and this isn’t meant as fishing for compliments; the wounds just look disgusting. Even if I stop it, my skin stays a mess. And there are no Doctors out there, who would help me. They just give me a lotion or tincture, but leave me alone with the problem. The medicine can’t help without quitting to pick. But I’m just not able to...
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Fight
Well, I will tell you something what beats me down.
My Psychiatrist changed her workplace so I need to find a new one, my Psychologist is on holidays and my boyfriend is in a Reha for his back for 2 months. It all happened at the same time so I feel pretty lonely. My Psychiatrist told me I have to change the room when I get the urge to pick. It’s so hard. I’ve got this rubberband on...
July 2011
1 post
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Depressions
beat me down!
Sorry I didn’t post anything the last time, but I’m not doing very well. Depressions; I think I don’t have to explain… Still picking like crazy. Feeling so ugly and disgusting, but that’s just the way it is.
I’m going to text again soon!
Thank you for all your support and nice words!
June 2011
31 posts
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#15
I did not picked yesterday but had to pick this morning but just really short.
I will tell you more the next days; I just have some troubl right now.
#14
I didn’t picked today! Nice!
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#13
No; I just picked the last 1 1/2 hours. What can I tell? I’m no good example for ‘abstinence’. I have no idea what to do! I tried so many skills again, like ‘sniffing’ (or smell) pepper, rubberband on my wrist, a hairclip on my finger, small notes with different quotes, a hot/cold gel on my skin… I’m just desperated and I’m seriously worried...
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#12
Short and quickly. I picked for an hour or something and used some nails this morning. My breast hurts and the wounds are swollen. Tired…
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#11
This is the third day in a row where I can be a little bit proud of myself. I didn’t picked today, just scratched a few times over my skin. I made a skillbox today. I put stuff in it that helps me to handle the pressure.
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#10
I picked this morning; but it wasn’t that worse. I picked for like 20 minutes; that’s okay. But I didn’t felt good today; I cried all the time and had suicidal thoughts. I also thought about cutting but I didn’t! I’m kinda proud of myself that I did nothing at all that could make my situation more worse. Maybe I am not that weak I always think? I hope I will feel...
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#9
I didn’t picked today! That’s great! It’s 21:06 over here and I will go to bed soon so this day was a full success! I feel really great today; a friend visited us and we had fun. I feel relaxed! :-)
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#8
Hiya back!
Sorry, I were really ill, but I feel better now. But sadly I had to pick anyway and I’m in a hard depression. It’s so hard to find a way out of this (sorry, but I have to say this) Shit! But I try to see the ‘good’ things. I got a really lovely message of a girl, who said my blog would help her. Wow! This is the first time for me that I see my fight makes sense....
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Sorry
That I didn’t post anything the last days but I’m ill and just laying in my bed. I were only checking my mailbox a few times. I will go on as usual tomorrow. <3
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#7
I just failed again. Today was horrible; no need to wait for my post till evening because it feels like it can’t get any worse. I picked twice today. I used a nail and I were busy for 3 hours. I’m so mad about myself but I knew it would take time. There were many ‘reasons’ or factors why I picked today. I’m so depressed the last weeks and today it got really bad. I...
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#6
Today was great! I didn’t picked, I only scratched a few times because it itched. Yay! Just a short update, I’m really tired. Btw, I used gloves.
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Thank you, love you
Thank you very much for your nice answers! It’s great to know that I’m not alone!
Sadly it isn’t just a bad habbit, but I got a great help of my psychologist now and I think one day it is the past and maybe I am strong enough to stop it completely.
Going cold turkey is a big thing. Only do it, if you feel strong enough. Otherwise it could happen that you make steps back. Try to...
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#5
Well, yesterday was effective! I were not picking. I just scratched over my skin because of this badly itchings. It was a great feeling to fell asleep and knowing that I’m making a good progress.
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Shit!
I have no idea what happened, because some hours ago I were pretty optimistic, but I couldn’t stand it anymore and I picked my skin for an hour and I used tools. That sucks so much. But I knew it would be a hard way to go. Yeah, I guess it will take a long time to become ‘clean’ - but we also have the chance to learn so much from each other. It’s one more story to tell our...
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#4
The day isn’t over yet, but I’m optimistic. My body is still itching and my hands are so nervous, but I know what I want! I’m doing everything that may help. But anyway, I think I will be more successful if I try to reduce it slowly. For the first step it is okay to pick, but without any tools and not longer than 20 minutes a day. After one week I will reduce the time. Of course...
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#3
It’s so hard. I picked again. I couldn’t stand it anymore. But it got better because I could control myself a little more, so I didn’t use any tools like nails or stuff and I picked ‘only’ 20 minutes. Tomorrow is another day. But if it won’t get better til next week I will change my rules a bit. Oh and I won’t make 2 different posts a day. I will only post...
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